Get That Meme Away From Me

I want to live my life without being inspired by your meme.

I have recently developed a new allergy. I’m allergic to inspirational memes. I think they are lazy and lame and also keep us from digging deep and getting to know ourselves.

Feeling off? “Look for the glimmers, they are the opposite of triggers, once you start looking for them, they are everywhere.” Sure, do that and just ignore what’s really going on underneath the surface.

Feeling down? “Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more.” Sure, suffocate any feeling of longing or sadness, because there is always someone who has it worse and your feelings are just first-world problems.

Feeling all sorts of ways? The next inspirational meme is just around the corner, and you too can share it on all your social media accounts and feel like you’re making the world a better place, while yours crashes and burns.

Was that a little harsh? I have no control over it, it’s peri-menopause. Or possibly full-blown menopause, I don’t know. But seriously, I am super annoyed with memes and I do believe that they hinder us in getting to know ourselves. And truly knowing yourself? Is a priceless gift that midlife can give you if you’re willing to put in the work. Glimmers and gratitude are important concepts, but we have to go deeper than that to know ourselves. Concepts are not the end-all-be-all, they are just the beginning.

How do you get to know yourself? By paying attention to what’s going on around you and how it makes you feel. By asking yourself why you feel that way. By listening to your intuition and your gut feeling. All that is directly connected to your values and your values lie at the core of everything. Dig deep enough to find your core values and you’ve hit the jackpot.

Your core values, the way you view the world and what you believe in, are already there. They might be a little neglected because you haven’t been paying attention and listening to your gut feelings, but they are there. You’re not going to just look at a list of values and pick the ones you like (or you think you should like), it’s going to take more work.

Even if you’ve never said them out loud, your core values already exist. You’ve developed them all your life, and you instinctively follow them. (And if something feels off? You’re not following them). They are the filter for all your decisions, the gut feeling that tells you whether to go for it or not.

Very often, people will say that their core values are “passion”, or “love” - to name a few. Big, intangible words are very popular for core values. I’m calling bullshit on that. You have to get more specific and really define your values for yourself. You are already committed to them, so might as well say them out loud.

Let me give you an example: one of my core values is to always say very clearly what’s on my mind, so there is no misunderstanding and people don’t get their panties in a bunch (it actually often results in people getting said panties in a bunch, because I might get a little too clear - but that’s a different story). So, instead of saying that “communication” is one of my core values, I define it as “always expressing myself frankly - respectfully, and as clearly as possible”. If you prefer to use the big words, go for it. But be sure that you know what those mean for you, in detail.

Being aware and following your core values enables you to deal with the good and the bad of every situation. Consider this: what if you didn't concentrate on the quality of a situation - any given situation - but on the quality of your reaction to it? What if you react the same way to a bad or good situation, based on your core values? Because, really, your core values don't change - so why not use them as a guide to deal with good and bad situations?

I believe this is the foundation for truly knowing yourself, and you build from there and keep discovering what a badass you really are. What a time to be alive!